This blog is written for anyone who is feeling anger that feels out of control and possibly out of proportion to the current situation you are in.
Lately, I have been angry! Specifically, I experienced this reactive anger that was way out of proportion to the situation. I did not realize it at the time that it was out of proportion to the situation. I thought I was right and justified in my anger. I also felt out of control and kind of scared, so I knew I needed to figure this out. Having angry outbursts towards my husband (of course my anger was directed towards the closest person to me) was not helping my confidence and self-esteem as a therapist and life coach.
To watch the video, click below, or just keeping reading!
I always tell my clients to write things down. There is so much power in the written word. My life works best when I practice what I preach, so I decided to start writing down what was making me so angry.
What I wrote down really surprised me. One day I wrote down the words, “I got angry, because Craig did not want to watch my show.”
Silence.
Really Elizabeth?
Was I seriously freaking out because my husband did not want to watch my show? I thought there was more to it. Nope. These were the types of things that made me lose it.
I was so embarrassed. I am even embarrassed to type this.
So I brought my new issue to my wise mentor. This man has been a psychotherapist for 40 years with over 1000 anger management clients. He told me something that reminded me of what a past mentor of mine told me (also a psychotherapist for 40 years, a woman in her 70’s). They both said the same thing.
Almost 100% of the time, underneath anger are the feelings of sadness and hurt.
I remembrered learning in school to be a therapist that anger is a secondary emotion. What this means is it usually stems from an initial emotion. Both my mentors said in almost 100% of their anger management clients, the feeling underneath anger is sadness and hurt.
Was it possible that I was sad or hurt?
I went home from that appointment with my mentor slightly enlightened. I also knew I had not processed things completely, because the same exact thing happened the night after I went to see my mentor. I freaked out on my husband seemingly out of nowhere and out of my control over something small. This time I handled it differently.
I said, “Just wait. I’m sorry. This is not you. You have not done anything. Give me a minute.”
I went into the bedroom and asked myself, “Are you sad?”
I laid on my bed and thought of all the things I have to be sad about. I thought about my dad dying over a year ago. I thought of losing my aunt. I thought of the darkness in the world. I thought of the pandemic. I thought of the war. I thought of the people I know who are struggling.
And I cried.
Finally.
I cried.
I cried for all of it.
And then I felt good. I felt such a release. My body felt light. My mind was clear. My anger disappeared “into the nothingnesss from which it came” as A Course in Miracles says.
And it hasn’t come back.
Working with feelings really is magically.
I’m sharing this personal story, because I feel it is meant to be told. I do not think it is only my story. I know it isn’t. Just a couple weeks ago (about the time this was happening to me), a celebrity went on stage to hit another celebrity during The Oscars (in formal attire, mind you). Do you think it’s possible that celebrity was deep down hurt and sad about something? Anything?
There is a lot of darkness and strange energy in the world right now. I think it’s easy to pick it up if we are not careful. I believe this is the time to stay clear. Let’s process how we really feel, so we can move on to enlightenment. It’s safe to do so.
Let’s believe in Love. Let’s raise our Faith and Trust in This Universe, knowing that it has our backs, despite everything we might see right now.
If you are feeling angry, it’s okay. Anger is not bad. Anger can motivate us to do the right thing. For instance, a woman who has to get herself out of a bad situation needs to hold onto her anger until she gets herself safe. I am never ever here to tell a person when it’s time to let go of an emotion. All emotions are okay and needed in this 3d world. Only you know when enough is enough.
If you have been experiencing anger that feels misplaced and/or out of your control lately, here are the tips I speak of above summarized:
*Write down what you were angry about after you cool down.
*Look at what you wrote (when you are calm, even 24 hours later) and ask if it was in proportion to the situation.
*Ask yourself or journal: Am I really feeling sad? Am I hurt in some way underneath this anger? Write it out to process it.
*And/or cry it out to process it.
*Feel free.
I’m sending you al my love today,
Elizabeth (and my loving hubby who is so glad I processed my sadness). <3
Elizabeth